friday afternoon, my friend stephie was planning a trip to seoul, and she asked if i wanted to go, and i was like, "nope." but she's very persistant and kept asking. i continued to refuse, so eventually she was like, "SARA YOU ARE GOING TO SEOUL WITH US." and i was all, "FINE." so we went. just four americans. we went to itaewon with the intention of shopping, but we didn't actually buy anything there. we just went out to dinner at outback steakhouse and then went back to our dirty hotel and watched an episode of law and order that doug had downloaded. we were in another sex hotel, but it was quite sub par compared to our first one. this time there was only ONE bottle of lotion, and there were no condoms or porn lying around. plus we all woke up the next day covered in these nasty bug bites. but i actually stayed in my own room this time and didn't wander off with any random korean boys.

the next day we went to a different part of town to shop at this open market type place. i bought a pair of green suede skechers for twelve dollars. they're amazing. and while we were walking around, eric texted me and asked if i had any plans for that night. i said i didn't but i was in seoul and didn't know when i'd be back. so he called and said he wanted to get together and that we should meet when i got back to town and that i should bring my friend anesa so his roommate (by the name of rabbit) wouldn't be lonely. after i got off the phone, i was like, "ok guys let's go back!"

we didn't get back to campus until 11, and i called eric and he was like, "oh, it's too late!" since curfew is at 12. but i told him i signed out for the night and it would be ok (he lives off campus) and convinced him to still meet. so the four of us went to a bar and drank and had a good time and rabbit and anesa were being all flirty and i even got a small kiss from eric and it was great. but then later in the night, he pulls me out of earshot of the others and gets all serious and goes, "yeah, so i have this girlfriend. and all those times i never responded to your texts it was because i was with her. and i didn't really want to stay out tonight, i just did so rabbit could be with anesa."

and then he kept going about how he doesn't love his girlfriend, but she loves him and he feels obligated towards her, and he likes me, and he can't decide between the two of us, and he's been all depressed because of it. i told him i understood and then went to the bathroom to cry. anesa followed and i told her all of it, and then when we went back out, she told rabbit, who knew already, of course. but he kept trying to reassure me, being like, "oh, but he thinks about you all the time and he's really very upset about this and he's just afraid of the language barrier and not being able to communicate" and etc.

the rest of the night was somewhat awkward. but i stayed anyway. i started hitting the liquor even harder and eric kept being like, "don't be sad" and i kept trying not to cry. sucked.

in the morning hours, we went to rabbit and eric's apartment and played drinking games. then rabbit left to walk a friend home and eric passed out, so i sat there all wasted and sobbing with anesa hugging me. i really shouldn't have been that upset, but i was too drunk and really just wanted to cry. and i did for what seemed like quite a while. after that i left to buy cigarettes, and when i got back, rabbit had returned and he and anesa were all cuddly on his bed, so i just walked back to the dorm. it was 7 in the morning by this time, so i passed out and slept most of the day. today i feel shitty. but it's cool. i'm glad he told me rather than continuing to mess around with both of us. it's just all fucky now and i'm so sick of things always being fucky.