so. i went to thailand. it was less awkward than i was expecting, considering i was the third wheel to doug and stephie's coupleness. but i don't mind that so much, and they are nice people, generally.

first, there was bangkok. not much to speak of. big, dirty, hot, and full of the worst kinds of tourists. and wonderful pink taxis. we only stayed one night and left the next evening. during that time, we saw some very drunk european kids have a food fight in mcdonalds, a 13 year old thai boy showed me and steph his penis, and an old leathery man sitting on the sidewalk tried to grab me.

after bangkok there was a small island off the eastern coast. doug and steph took scuba diving lessons for five days. i opted not to, as i foresaw myself having a panic attack underwater and suffocating. so i had a lot of time to myself. mostly i sat on the beach, reading or meditating or just looking at the waves. and being kept company by all the stray dogs around. they were very friendly and would come sit by me whenever i was out.

we went to a big beach party one night. the big thing to drink in thailand is buckets. literally, buckets full of cheap liquor, red bull, coke, and whatever else happens to be thrown in. you stick in a bunch of straws and grab some people and suck it down. it's pretty fun, except for when morning comes and you start to sober up and realize you have a severely skinned knee, no sandals, no underwear, no purse (luckily, it was just left with steph), and no friends around. in that situation, the best thing to do is start making new friends. so i started walking and found a bungalow with two people sitting outside and asked if they had any tissue with which i could clean my glasses, as they were coated in salt water and sand. it's a miracle i managed to not lose them, really. turns out the place was a tattoo shop run by two kids who were very kind. they offered to let me stay there until the taxi drivers sobered up and could drive me back to my hotel safely and without charging an exorbitant price. they also offered to pay for my taxi, since i had no purse. some of their friends showed up soon after i arrived, and one of them had a motorbike, so he just ended up giving me a ride home.

on their last dive, doug proposed to steph. underwater. so that was pretty big.

we went to a different island after that. a bigger one, with not so much of a young crowd. we went elephant riding. and i met these two german families who gave me thai whiskey and cigarettes and very interesting conversation about politics and different countries and life. bit of a different scene from our first island.

then there was the full moon party, on a third island. we booked a trip to go just for the night and come back early the next morning. i managed to get lost again. i just went to dance for ten minutes and never made it back to doug and steph. instead, i spent most of the night dancing with some thai prostitutes and their "brother." they were the nicest thai people i met during the whole trip (the kids at the tattoo place were not native). we danced for hours, and my new brother set about finding guys for each of us. he was really sweet. i danced with a lot of guys. i remember dancing with a japanese boy, and trying to practice my japanese, but sometime during that, my consciousness left my body. i'm not really sure where it went, but when it came back, i was on the other end of the beach on a very uncomfortable rock with some guy (not the japanese one) finishing up having sex with me and another one behind him watching. again i had no sandals and no purse (and this time it wasn't left with stephie) and was lost. i didn't know what to do so i just got up and started wandering the beach looking for my purse. i walked up and down it for more than an hour. not a good idea, without sandals, after a huge party, as there were broken bottles and bits of sharp coral everywhere that i was not noticing. i cut my feet several times and fucked them up pretty badly. i finally gave up on my purse and decided to find the pier, where i was supposed to meet doug and steph so we could catch our boat back. i walked in what i hoped was the right direction and ended up on the completely wrong side of the island. i finally stopped and asked directions and a nice man on a motorbike gave me a ride. i was finally at the pier, but that was as far as my plan went. my boat had left over three hours ago and i had no money. so i sat at a table, laid my head down, and cried for a while.

there were some people around me and eventually i asked one man for a cigarette. he found out i'd lost my purse, so he offered me a ride to my island and bought me breakfast and his friend bought me a new shirt (mine was pretty disgustingly dirty) and gave me some sandals. they had hired a private speedboat, so they took me over to my island and gave me money to get a taxi to my hotel. i thanked them so much, but they said not to worry about it. they said i was like their sister.

i don't know how one person can be so cursed and blessed at the same time. i had some shit nights, but i happened to wander into unimaginable kindness afterwards. i don't even know how things managed to get so fucked up. nothing even remotely that bad has happened before, and there have been many occasions when i was much drunker. it's my own fault i get into trouble, but i'm just glad there was always someone who showed up to help me out of it. there's no reason there should have been, but i was lucky. i just need to stop getting into situations where this shit can happen.

i lost my wallet, but that's not a huge deal. there wasn't much cash in it and the most important things there were some photos. i am pretty burned up about losing my new 300 dollar camera, though. i don't even know why i would bring the fucking thing. i am also pretty unhappy about the sex i didn't consent to. but, there's not much to be done about either.

i don't have any plans to ever return to thailand, really.

when i got back to korea, i went to the hospital. as my right foot never really healed. i guess there was still a lot of glass stuck inside, causing some swelling and pain. the doctor squeezed it all out, which was the worst pain i ever remember experiencing. they put some stitches in my toe, too, because the cut there was kind of bad. i took some pictures. with my phone, since i don't have a camera anymore.

i'm fine now. basically recovered. stitches came out about a week ago. i'm a little depressed but i'll survive. i live in seoul, in what's known as a goshiwon. kind of like a dormitory. i have a small refrigerator and tv and internet and shower and central air, but shared toilet and kitchen. i have a window, too. it's sealed off so i don't actually get fresh air, but at least i can see outside. and i have some friends who live around here. it's very comfortable. now i'm looking for a job, so i can make some money and afford a ticket home. i have a friend who went to laos today, for one month, and he made me promise to stay in korea until he gets back (on august 22). so. i guess i'll be hanging out here for a while.