so yesterday was pretty much amazing, in a crappy sort of way. i woke up early (hours before noon!) to go to the immigration office. i found the address online and it was pretty easy to get to, so i was happy about that. during the walk to the building, we passed this pizza place that had take-out pizzas for only five dollars. so we were like, "sweet."

the actual immigration office was less exciting. we went to three offices before we found the right one. and when i talked to the guy who called my number, he basically told me i have to leave by august 28, or at least have a ticket purchased by then. but even with a ticket, i can only stay an extra 30 days. and with my one job i've managed to get, i haven't quite earned enough money to buy a plane ticket yet. i don't know that i've even broken even. so. that was a nice way to start the day.

i had tutoring after that. it was kind of difficult to be outgoing and talkative but that is my job. my lady also likes to talk a lot, so that makes it easier. i mostly listen and correct her expressions and grammar. not too terribly stressful. when i got to the subway station, i got attacked by some ladies from a church. some of their friends had attacked me on tuesday, too. i must look nice or something, because i say i'm not interested or just ignore them, but they'll follow me and pull my arm and try to take me to their church. the only way to shake them is to run into the gate, because they only stay outside the station. they just creep me out. i don't like being pounced on like that.

i did laundry after getting home. but there's not really much to talk about there. i wanted to take a nap, but i didn't want to leave my clothes unattended for too long. i don't really trust people so much anymore.

i met my friend bryan in the evening. i had a slight headache, but he's going to china in a little over two weeks, so this is one of the last times i'll see him, so i went out anyway. couple bottles of soju later, but headache was decidedly worse, but still tolerable. then we met khalid and went to another bar for tequila. my head was pretty well throbbing by now and as soon as the tequila went down, it wanted to come back up again. that's when i knew it was no ordinary headache but a sneaky migraine. i managed to not throw up, but just barely. i made myself stay out until bryan left (he had to leave pretty early, to catch his bus home), then it was all i could do to walk back to my room. this area is not very migraine-friendly. at night, it's all bright, flashing neon signs, loud music, loud people, and bad smells. i wanted to die but i managed to fall asleep instead. it's still slightly there today but manageable. jk told me it's from too much air conditioning and not enough fresh air. not that any of the air in seoul could really be considered fresh.

today i've just been a big pile of jelly. i left my room once, to give khalid a cigarette. and i think i will leave again soon, to buy something for dinner. but the rest of the day was spent right here, crying. and i am getting so sick of doing that.

i wanted to do this on my own. to prove i'm a grown-up. but it just seems to keep getting more and more out of hand, and i'm not a grown-up. i'm a scared little girl in a foreign country and i'm struggling and i just want someone to rescue me.

one of the hardest things for me is to admit that i need help with something. and i really need help here.