i asked my big sister for help and she bought me a ticket to california. so that's a lot less for me to worry about and quite the awesome thing for her to do. i'll stay with her a while and try to earn some money and make it to minnesota whenever i can. hopefully by halloween, cuz i love halloween. i'd love to dress up with my friends. i suppose we don't actually have to wait for halloween to do that, but most other days, people don't give you free candy.

my flight is september 12, so now i just have to worry about surviving until then. i think i can do it. i have enough money for rent. and probably enough for food. i lost my job, though. i guess the lady i tutor was too depressed to keep it up? that's what i heard. from my manager. i guess the lady didn't even hear until today. she texted me thursday to say she had to cancel for the day, so i was like, "that's cool...but i heard you wanted to quit tutoring." so she texted me again this morning to say she had just found out her dad had talked to the company to cancel it. so whatever, it's kind of fucked up.

i'm off birth control (those pills are expensive and i am clearly not made of money). it's making me loonier than usual. i don't know how much i can really blame on being off the pill and how much is just me being messed up. but i'm willing to blame a lot on the pill. i've had a lot of strange days recently, but i think it's more just me feeling strangely than strange things actually happening. i don't even know what to think or feel about most things anymore.

i stumbled yesterday, and i wasn't even drinking. i wasn't even walking, actually. i was just standing there and suddenly i was falling and my vision was shrinking to a single point and my hearing was nothing but a dull buzz. luckily i fell into my friends and not onto the ground. they wanted to take me to the hospital, but i said i just wanted to go back to my room. i was fine, it was just weird and a little scary. everything went back to normal after a few dizzy minutes.

i'm just a bit disconnected at the moment.